Improvement, they say is a never-ending journey.

Have you been told you are amazing and the next best thing since the creation of pizza? Or conversely, have people opined that you are good for nothing, literally the bottom of the barrel? Interestingly, for some, these negative views may have originated (and concluded) by self.

Irrespective of the source of the unpleasant vibes for the nay-sayings and of the adulation for those currently on a roll, I am certain that all of us (including yours truly) can be better, do better and experience better. After all, we all are work-in-progress.

Why are People Stuck?

Before we explore how to get about improving, let’s briefly ruminate on why most people are stuck at a point or in a particular mold. So, why don’t more folks improve?

The answers to that question are:

  • Fear
  • Loss of Faith
  • Arrival mentality and
  • Reliance on self

“Fear?” I hear you ask. Yes, fear which could take any of the following forms: fear of failing either the first time or failing again having tried before, fear of being ridiculed for trying, fear of still not being accepted by someone or a group one is desirous of acceptance from (and this could be a real downer), fear of giving up midway, fear of being thrown a curved ball whilst on the path of development or fear that the reward(s) may not justify the effort.

Another group of people stuck are those who have lost faith in God, or in the good in mankind, or in prosperity & posterity. These skeptics are convinced they are players in a game rigged against them and that no matter what they do that they’ll always get the shorter end of the stick. There is the deep-rooted belief in life being a slippery slope, an unnavigable maze or a cauldron of adversity seething with misfortune. Most often, people with this mindset have possibly been dealt bad hands in the past, have become conditioned to expect the worst or are almost incurably pessimistic.

A third group remain where they are because they believe themselves to have arrived or braced the finish line tape (arrival mentality). These folks are certain that they have attained their apex and fail to see the need to put forth additional efforts at growth especially if they are being celebrated. Oftentimes people in this category compare themselves with those they are doing better than either in faith or life generally. Someone once said, “the most difficult thing to manage is success”. This group have their heads in the proverbial clouds.

The largest group of all consists of those that believe they can become better all by themselves.  While inner strength, willpower or a healthy dose of self-esteem is positive and a plus to improving oneself, erroneously basing self-betterment solely on one’s ability and toughness is ultimately a formular for failure. None of us is meant to walk alone.

Becoming a Better You

Having looked at what keeps people from getting better, how can you become a better you?

Step 1 – Evaluation: An evaluation or analysis of yourself is necessary to ascertain and rank the priorities in your life. While someone or people close to you and trusted can help you with this exercise, it is advised that the final assessment be yours (after all, no one knows you like you). The outcome of introspection and their order of importance vary from individual to individual being influenced by factors such as age and background. That said, for most people the list below applies with some minimal re-arrangements:

  • Spirituality
  • Physical health
  • Family
  • Finances
  • Relationships
  • Work/Schooling
  • Looks/physique

The urging here is to be objective and honest. You can’t get to where you are going until you know where you are coming from.

Step 2 – Gratitude List: Draw up a list of things in your life that you are grateful for. To do this right, the emphasis should be on things that are germane and truly matter. The world around us conditions us to focus more on those things that are ephemeral and elusive. Most people are chasing after things that may not be bad in themselves but in reality, do not have the power to make us happy. An example is the subconscious craving to have the torso of a body builder or the hour-glass figure of a model to be considered appealing. Why must I be burly to be regarded as a choice specimen or svelte to be attractive? I believe good health and a sound mind trumps an enchanting visage any day.

With the example above in mind, take a pen and paper and go ahead to write down at least ten (10) things that you are grateful for. Go ahead, give it a try. I bet you that the list can get lengthy once you start identifying apparently ordinary things that you should be appreciative for in life that had hitherto been taken for granted. Most people are usually surprised by the outcome of this exercise and find it refreshing.

Step 3 – Laudable List: Before we go into the areas that need work, it is imperative that we first recognize that we are not all bad news. People are usually more focused on what they don’t have that they lose sight of what they do have. Some people are living oblivious of the fact that they do have some commendable traits. For instance, have you noticed how angelically (or sonorously) stutterers sing? It’s a rare sight though given that stutterers are usually shy and very self-conscious in public. But if you have, I am sure you will agree with me that not only is it amazing that they don’t stu on they are great singers (at least those I know).

Putting that in perspective, make a list of at least ten (10) things that you like about yourself. Things that you may have been commended on or things that you do that make others smile. Come on, don’t go being modest all of sudden. For this step, the observations (about you) of a friend or loved one may be a delightful surprise if you choose to ask for their input.

Step 4 – Improvement List: Sequel to the evaluation and gratitude list, we go to the hard stuff. Most people are averse to acknowledging shortcomings in themselves, choosing instead to identify them in others. We shy away from confronting those parts of ourselves that need remedying, preferring instead to embellish or dwell more on areas we have been commended on or justifying our negative actions and habits. However, similar to the caution in step 2 above, it is exigent to state that this list should be what truly matters rather than what we think the world expects of us. It is pertinent to point out at this point that we are all unique creations and should focus on the things that would make us happier and more fulfilled against what the world around us insinuates we need. Nowadays, all around us we are confronted with unsolicited adverts of things we are made to think we need from our social media feeds to billboards and center spreads. This list should be in the first column of a table with at least four (4) columns.

Step 5 – Improvement Goals: Having generated an improvement list, it is now time to set targets for each of the items on your improvement list.  The advice is to start with bite-sized goals that will not take a toll. As they say, take baby steps. For instance, if your improvement list includes relationship management meaning you want to improve on your relationship with others, then your goal could be getting better at keeping in touch or reaching out more often. Your goal could be to ensure that you reach out to friends & family you haven’t communicated with in a long while. It could be to send a chat or voice note at least once every week or month.

The most important thing is the fact that you deliberately set out to do the things on your improvement list better than you were (or are currently) doing them. You can also utilize scheduling apps and reminders to assist with your follow-through on your improvement actions.

Step 6 – Set Timelines: To be accountable, you need to set timelines within which to carry out the actions you have identified are necessary for the better you. Try not to be too aggressive here. After all, Rome, they say, was not built in a day. Depending on the ameliorative action(s) to be taken, I’d say anything between a fortnight to 1 month for short interim targets and 3 – 6 months for long lead items should be ideal as anything longer will probably never get done anyways. Utilizing the narrative of keeping in touch, I would set a timeline of 3 months within which I would aspire to be in touch with distant relatives at least once every 2 weeks for starters.

Step 7 – Commit to God: Having gotten this far, you need to answer the most vital question of all “where is God in all this?” If you are going through life without acknowledging the existence of the highest power, the Creator of heaven and earth and the lordship of Jesus Christ, then your betterment effort will not yield the utmost. Only God can bring out the best in each of us. Evolving into a better version of you is only guaranteed when one is yielded to the Grace available in the Almighty. Life becomes meaningful when lived in Christ.  What is required at this step is x-raying everything above in the light of God and His Word. Are you saved? Is Jesus Lord and master in your life and does this reflect in the lists you have made in the preceding steps above? God has to be made central and pivotal for anyone who wishes to transform.

I would like to point out that no one can become the best version of him/herself without the guidance and help of God who created each of us, knows the purpose of our very existence, has the blueprint for the most optimal of outcomes for each of us and has the power to turn everything around for good. The surest way to becoming a better person is with the help of God who though is the most powerful personality in existence wants each individual to come to Him of our own volition. God so yearns for you to be saved, to know Him and have a relationship with Him. Then and only then can you begin the evolution into the finest version of you there can be.

I can tell you for free that unlike in the movies where on an auspicious day all the planets align or a cosmic event takes place for the protagonist to experience a pivotal moment, your turning point can be today. In real life, conditions may never fall in place just right for it to be the perfect time to start. Instead, after you begin and then determinedly trust God, at times through seemingly unsurmountable odds, then you start to experience the thrill of positivity. You can start by asking God into your life. Click here If you would like to start this journey.

I’ll end by saying, life is beautiful and worth living. What a privilege to be alive! Let’s make the most of it!

Disclaimer: Content on this blog is for Christian inspiration and education only and reflects personal faith perspectives. It is not a substitute for medical, mental health, legal, or professional advice. Seeking qualified professional support is encouraged where needed. Use of this site is at your own discretion.[Read More]